Hey man. It's holiday time again here in the US, and regardless of your religious convictions (or lack thereof) I'm writing this for you, the guy trying to enjoy his holiday downtime before gearing up for another year of... well, whatever life has in store for us in 2025.
If you're reading this, chances are good that you're a part of the Man-UP! Life Coaching (MULC) community; either as a client, an admin, or simply a friend. You may also be someone who has stumbled across this blog while looking for ideas for jump-starting your New Year, or managing anxiety as you to try to hold it together through challenging times. Whoever you are, and whyever you're here, welcome man. You're not alone, and I'm writing this as much for you as anyone else.
I assume you know me, but if not I'm Dennis, a guy with an interesting backstory who has been coaching men for over a decade under the MULC brand, and over 30 years in total. Some of my clients are Christian, some Jewish, some Muslim, some Buddhist, Taoist, many "spiritual but not religious", and some agnostic. We almost had a Druid, but he got caught up in a side quest. True story.
Anyway. Every year I'm challenged to write a holiday article that resonates with everyone in my listening audience, encouraging them to be the best versions of themselves in the year to come, yet without stepping on anyone's toes with regard to personal ideologies. And trust me man, threading that needle isn't easy.... especially now with global tensions being what they are, and with everything being so highly political.
You know what I mean. Gender identity. Party affiliation. Religion. Nationality. Skin color.... it's a LOT for a bunch of dudes who--at the end of the day--all really just want the same thing. All men want is peace.
Please think about that for a moment. Like literally take a moment and actually think about it. The rest of the article isn't going anywhere.
See what I mean? There's this tendency for us to entertain internal dialogues that say, "I'll be happy when....", and then fill in the blank with whatever golden carrot you imagine will bring you happiness.
Money is one. Guys think they'll be happy when they have enough money. But how much is that exactly? A million? Ten million? Twenty or more? I have guys in my org right now who are doing incredibly well on paper--like we're talking set for life--and yet they'd be the first to admit that they aren't actually "happy". The dude with $5M is trying to hit $10M; the guy with $15M is grinding to hit $50M; the $50M guy is stressed that he hasn't hit that $1B yet.... it never stops.
The "perfect woman" is a another classic goal for many guys. Being in a healthy relationship with the right girlfriend or wife. And by "right", they really just mean someone who makes them feel validated and loved, not anxious and perpetually criticized. Someone chill, who accepts them unconditionally. And again, I have clients right now with wives (girlfriends, partners) who check ALL the boxes by most guy's standards, but they still secretly feel like something is missing in their lives.
This is why I didn't title the article "Happy Holidays", by the way. Because I frankly don't believe happiness is the metric you should be tracking to determine your success. Happiness is a complicated idea. On one hand, it is often defined as "joy", but also as "contentment". I don't view these as one and the same. Happiness is a somewhat euphoric, lifted, stimulated state. Happiness takes us up, sadness brings us down. Contentment is somewhere in the middle, which is why being "centered" is a thing.
On the other hand, I think it's accurate to say that contentment and peace are synonymous. We seek pleasure from things that give us dopamine. By contrast, practicing peace can involve disciplining ourselves to forgo pleasure, deny the senses, and adhere to a kind of stoical self-leveling that forces us to take a sobering look at our limitations. And the acceptance of these limitations, interestingly enough, brings us peace. The "God" concept is one of perfection; and the hard truth is that-- no matter what we do--we (as humans) are not perfect. And that's okay.
There is peace in accepting this. You're still worthy of love.
So this Holiday Season, I suggest that we embrace the actual "holiness" of these so-called "holy days". And by "HOLY", I am not speaking legalistically. Christians would consider the Bible to be holy, Jews the Talmud, Muslims the Qu'ran. Yes, sure, fine. Honor your traditions, there's no harm in that.
But when any one of us who is a brother in this fraternity that we call humanity seeks to experience that which is holy, we are ultimately seeking to experience oneness with that which is perfect. And thankfully, we are all a part of that perfection, and there IS a way to know this.
And how do we get there? Simple man.... practice being still. Call it prayer. Call it meditation. Call it sit down and shut up while staring at wall. Or a candle. Or making dots on a piece of paper. Start with five minutes. Just five. Set a timer if you need to. Let the thoughts come.... let them go. No judging. No forcing. Just being. Practice being still. Quiet the body. Quiet the mind.
Doing this will give you the peace that you may or may not realize you both want and need. Practice, practice, practice.
Don't be preoccupied with making next year your "breakout" year. And don't reserve "holiness" for only certain days of the year. Otherwise what are the rest? Unholy? Practice being HOLY in every moment that you can, from the moment you wake up until the moment you go to bed. Practice being still. Practice being calm. Accept your humanity. Your imperfection. Your perceived flaws. Forgive yourself for your shortcomings. Love yourself and all creatures.
Ride this thing until the end, and accept that the very transience of what you call life is as it is meant to be. This imperfection--and your humble acceptance of it--ironically IS the perfection that makes the moment of your awareness holy. From all of us at Man-UP! Life Coaching, here’s wishing you peace and fulfillment this holiday season. See you in 2025.
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