Man Lesson: Dealing with Demons

“And, to speak truth of Caesar, I have not known when his affections swayed More than his reason.” — William Shakespeare, Julius Caesar, Act 2, Scene 1

I. Nobility is Thankless I'm not sure how familiar you are with this play or the historical events that inspired it, but here's the TLDR.... Julius Caesar is an admirable Roman leader, yet for political reasons his senators conspire to assassinate him. They attempt to convince his right-hand man, Brutus, to go along with the plan, as his buy-in will make the coup seem more noble and less treacherous. And so here Brutus wrestles with the heavy moral weight of literally backstabbing a man he not only admires but loves, noting that Caesar was a man who never let his emotions override his reason in matters of judgment.

So yeah. No good deed goes unpunished. The guy rules like a boss—he's rational, disciplined, admirable in every way—and still gets shanked by his own crew in the Senate chamber at the Theatre of Pompey. And at the feet of Pompey's statue, just to add insult to injury. He was warned to beware the Ides of March, but instead of being a coward he walked in perfect faith.... and died for it. And here's where you begin to ask yourself: Why? Why bother being moral? Ethical? Righteous? Disciplined? Why go out of your way to help people—to temper your own emotions even as they piss and moan like actual babies—when at the end of the day these ungrateful parasites are going to backstab you out of envy and resentment when you have nothing left to offer them? Fucking WHY? And here is the fork in the road, where a man gets to make decisions about his moral character. Here is where you get to co-author your own story.

II. The Power of Choice There is nothing especially noble about making good choices unless you do so in defiance of the incredible temptation to make bad ones. And by bad I mean deplorable. Despicable. To let your intrusive thoughts win, and recklessly indulge the ugliness that we are all capable of, whether or not we are willing to admit it. I am. I'm willing to admit that my dark side, as it were, is terrifying. I know what I am capable of, because I've gone there. I've pulled the trigger. I've done the thing—no matter how grotesque and unforgiveable the thing was—to satisfy something truly vengeant in my raging heart. This is definitely not a brag. It's shameful for me to admit. But it's my truth. I'm a man with a past, and a bloody past at that. I've done wicked things. I've let the demons take over, and I've left carnage in the wake of my mayhem. And honestly, I really never expected to come back from that darkness. I committed to the character, the way someone with tattoos on every inch of their body, piercings, devil horn implants, vampire teeth, etc has committed. You've seen these people. Somewhere along the way they doubled-down and decided to ride the crazy train all the way to freakville. They made a choice, and that's where they are in life. But the thing is, you can choose. That's your superpower. III. Amazing Grace You may or may not know my religious background, so I guess it's relevant to share for the sake of context. Jewish mother, Roman Catholic father. I was baptized Catholic, went to Catholic schools (as well as public schools), was an altar boy, took communion, etc. I went on a journey with my young mom through all sorts of churches, ranging from the Church of God in Christ (C.O.G.I.C.) to the Hari Krishnas. Later in life I would study art, religious symbolism, theology, occultism, etc.... and finally land on a private, personal relationship with higher consciousness whose very simple code seems to overlap well with the belief systems of all of my clients, no matter what their spiritual or religious beliefs. I share this because I don't want my familiarity with any of the religions I may reference to suggest that I am a legalistic practitioner of any specific dogmatic system. For me, they're all "true" at a high level, but also the Devil is in the details. So back to grace. One of the most poignant examples of grace in recent history, in my opinion, is exemplified by the leadership of Martin Luther King, Jr. The hard, sorry-not-sorry truth is that America has blood on its hands when it comes to its relationship with African Americans, many of whose roots trace back to slavery. There is no way to justify slavery or paint it in a forgiving light. Decades of horror were inflicted upon people who came here not by choice, but as hostages. The evils that the African diaspora has experienced here in America over the years is absolutely diabolical. And when Black leaders began to stand up, to organize, to march for basic rights inherent to all men, they were met with hate and extreme violence by their oppressors. And so, as a leader, Martin had every right to be hostile. Just as the Biblical tale of Jesus overturning the tables of merchants and moneylenders in the temple, Martin had every justifiable reason to display righteous indignation. But he did not. The man chose grace. In my opinion, there is no greater demonstration of healthy masculinity than the way he carried himself in the face of human ugliness at its very worst. He is a hero. And like Caesar, he was assassinated by his country's government. Sorry if you don't know the real story, but James Earl Ray was a scapegoat. The FBI took him out. So the question becomes, again—WHY?

Why choose grace? IV. All Judgment Is Self Judgment So here's the part that really matters: what you do with your demons. If you've learned anything as a member of the Man-UP! Life Coaching (MULC) family, you've learned this phrase, coined by yours truly. I promise you that I've paid the iron-price for this wisdom. I also promise you that even now, trying to practice grace in the face of some recent despicable peer behavior is like being a morbidly obese gymnast practicing an Olympic routine on the balance beam. But still, I'm practicing, just as I coach you guys to. Fall down seven times, get up eight. And why? Again, the question—why? Why turn the other cheek, so to speak, if you're only going to get smacked again? Isn't "manning-up" about drawing a hard boundary? Fuck around and find out? That sort of thing? Isn't that what alphas do? Man, look. As I've said, I don't wonder what would happen if. I've gone there. It's not what you think it is. It never actually solves the underlying problem. Here's why: We are literally all connected. Now I don't care how you frame that for yourself. I won't dive into the many religious archetypes that model this ideology. I'm just saying, we are literally all connected. We are not separate, but rather a single entity. A single intelligence. A single mind. And in the meta, ultimately a single consciousness. How do I know? Well, I've conquered my demons. Or rather, I've learned fairly well how to manage them. Your "demons" are thoughts, essentially programs whose function is to not only test your belief in singularity—by which I mean the deep, spiritual awareness that all is one—but to tempt you to disrupt the still waters of your peace with waves of chaos. Distraction. Fear. Anything that fragments the glassy surface of your deep self reflection. When we judge anything, we necessarily judge everything. When we forgive anything, we necessarily forgive everything. And when we love anything, we love everything. And since everything is a singularity in the meta, loving anything is self love. I will not be tricked, tempted, or baited into attacking myself. That's WHY. And this understanding is the restoration of sanity, which is precisely what peace is. V. Kill Your Demons With Kindness So in summary, yes—dealing with frustrating people can feel like a thankless job. And throughout history it has often been the case that good people suffer at the hands of bad people. Still, we must be better. And by "we" I mean me. I must make appropriate choices, because they are appropriate. And so must you. And as we practice, we model what true healthy masculinity is for others. And eventually, this is how we heal as an organism. Therefore admit when the feelings of rage, anger, contempt, and vengeance arise, and sit with them. Acknowledge these demons. But also, realize that they have no power over you. They tempt you to act on their behalf because they have no agency; they need you to do their bidding. DON'T. It's a trap. That is where your power to choose grace is paramount. Practice instead being still. Call it prayer, call it meditation, or even call it practicing peace. But practice mastering your own mind, your own emotions, and continue on the path of appropriateness. This is how good men are made, no matter how bad they've been until they learn that they have a choice. This is the work we do. This is the weight we lift, or—arguably—the weight that we put down. And this is the way forward. Meditate on it.