First off, why is politics called "politics"?
Politics (from Ancient Greek πολιτικά (politiká) 'affairs of the cities') is the way that people living in groups make planned decisions. Politics is about making agreements between people so that they can live together in groups such as tribes, cities, or countries.
Now let's isolate that second sentence:
"Politics is about making agreements between people so that they can live together in groups."
And let's thin-slice it once more:
"...making agreements between people..."
So in a word, negotiation. If a decade of coaching has taught me anything, it's that couples who negotiate well fight less often and less intensely. Fighting happens when each person feels their perceptions are being invalidated. They feel threatened, this threat is heightened by differences in communication style, and next thing you know you have a powderkeg situation.
Differences in perception are often due to differences in perspective. He sees it black, she sees it white. They fight about it. Each feels that they are right, and that therefore the other person is necessarily wrong. It doesn't occur to them that they may both be right. For example, if they are looking at an object (such as a pillar) lit by a light source coming from behind where she stands, while he is on the opposite side standing in its shadow, then she may see a brightly lit white object while he sees a silhouetted black object. So he's technically right when he says it looks black, as is she when she says it looks white. Then again, they may also both be wrong; it could be that the object is in fact a uniform beige when the bright white light affecting its appearance is turned off.
As coaches, we often help couples with differences in perception to negotiate, by first changing their perspective so as to see what the other sees, feel what the other feels, etc. To do so can be terrifying for them, but also liberating. And to do so is a great way to grow as an individual, while also growing together as a couple. It's literally the most basic model for people making agreements so that they can live together. You know.... politics.
Okay, so what happens when they can't reconcile their differences? What if something is non-negotiable due to a fundamental difference in values? For example, what if she wants kids and he doesn't? Or he wants monogamy and she prefers polyamory? Well, non-negotiables are basically deal-breakers. The harsh reality is that if you aren't aligned on core values, you're realistically not going to do very well living together, and you should probably start having a conversation about dissolving the arrangement.
But again, this doesn't have to involve fighting. It's okay to agree to disagree, and to move to separate spaces in a way that demonstrates mutual respect and consideration. It's okay to say 'we tried, but now let's try something else because this isn't working'.
Now let's take this idea and scale it. Today, November 5th, 2024, the US will vote for a new president. There is a Blue Team, and there is a Red Team. They have become polarized, thanks in huge part to the self-serving role of media influencers, and they (the respective teams, that is) seem to be having difficulty communicating in a way that is fair and reasonable, making negotiation almost impossible.
If the Red Team and the Blue Team were a couple, I would follow the same protocols as I do with all of my life coaching clients. First and foremost, you've got to swallow your pride, man up, and show both love and respect for yourself and your fellow human. Period. That's your job. You can't control them, but you can control you. Operate with grace and dignity. It may be difficult, but trust the process.
Next, be sure that before you speak, what you are about to say is TRUE, is NECESSARY, and is KIND. You can make your point without being mean. Self control shows strength, not weakness. Discipline and restraint are admirable, and make for better communication. Again, suck it up and trust the process.
Demonstrate willingness to try to see what the other sees, by standing in his or her shoes. I don't mean these politicians who have been foisted upon us as state representatives. I mean us. Fellow Americans. Your neighbor. We, the people of the United States. The soul of our country is the spirit of its people. If we want to show the world that we are truly great, then it should start with a demonstration of diplomacy. We have to teach the world that we are a house that can solve its problems through reasonable discourse.
And just like the couple that realizes it should probably separate due to irreconcilable differences, we too as a nation can--and maybe should--sit down and discuss what an amicable separation could look like. Not that we necessarily have to go there, but rather that it should always be on the table as an option, so we don't feel stuck.
How can we do this? It starts with how we speak to each other. In person. Online. In public. If we, the people of the United States of America, can no longer be united, then so be it. But we should be respectful of ourselves and our neighbors in our communications. When you resort to name-calling, attacking, and threats of violence, then it doesn't matter what color your flag is. The soul of your country has already been defeated.
Don't complicate it man. Love your brother, even if that means you have to leave your brother. We may or may not be able to live together, but if we can't peacefully coexist, then who but we, the people, are to blame?
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